It's no secret that I have found the last 4 months pretty challenging....but right now I find myself reflecting on why it was so hard and what I have learnt along the way.
I think the biggest challenge was the age gap. When Jack was born, Max was just shy of 18 months so I was essentially trying to communicate with a baby. 'Max don't bite my leg', 'Max don't scratch Jack' etc etc....all I would get is a blank face or a tantrum which when you're sleep deprived and trying to breastfeed, it will send you crazy. I can (almost) look back at those times now and laugh but I am not quite there yet.
Upon reflection, I wish I had asked for more help with Max. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to have everything completely under control i.e. the house and constantly trying to keep it clean, trying to get fit, the shopping, keeping in touch with friends, staying connected to Ryan...the list goes on. I think as time has gone on, I have learnt to just let go a little and consequently I feel less stressed....so what if the couch has crumbs all over it and vegemite stains, so what if the toys are literally spread out over every corner of the house, so what if you go out in public with frizzy hair and no makeup and you may or may not be wearing your PJ top underneath your coat...no one is going to die!
The jump from one to two was a rude shock. I really never knew how enjoyable and easy (not to say it's always easy!) it was having one child - I wish I had appreciated it more and taken in those moments with Max (maybe it's my sleep deprived hormones speaking here).....but each day it gets easier and Max is learning to love Jack which is so gorgeous to watch.
Words of advice: just go with it (and drink coffee and wine for survival) and don't be afraid to ask for help. The first few months are a blur but it gets easier and you slowly get your life back!